


Koi

by sapphirerod18



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Drabble, F/F, Monologue, Moving On, POV First Person, Post-Canon, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-14 21:45:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18484981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphirerod18/pseuds/sapphirerod18
Summary: Anthy muses on her life up until now- the day she steps outside Ohtori.(warning for discussion of abuse, but like. no graphic descriptions.)





	Koi

In ancient folklore, it is said that the koi fish swim upstream, struggling against raging currents, racing their fellow kin to the finish line. Upon meeting a giant waterfall, towering above them with its magnificent power, most of the koi turn back, discontent with facing such a large obstacle. The rest do not waver in front of the cascading wall. Instead, they attempt again and again to scale their final wall and reach their destination. Some gave up, some spent years making hundreds, even thousands of failed attempts, until one, lucky soul finally succeeded. The winner was granted the right to transform into a powerful, beautiful, golden dragon. The tale tells a simple message: Perseverance in the face of adversity will reward you one day, even if it takes forever.

 

—-

 

I waited my share of time. I survived blow upon blow of abuse, I let him poison me and corrupt me into the witch everyone wanted me to be. But today… Today, I’m making my last attempt to scale the waterfall. To escape this polluted pond I was trapped in and finally see the world beyond this stream. How could I have been so foolish? I let myself believe my world WAS that pond, a pond with no way out, no means to jump into a safer, kinder spring. It was her who helped me open my eyes: The dazzling girl who dreamed of being a prince. But she’s no prince. She’s just another koi- a girl- like me. A girl who escaped this cruel fantasy and became a beautiful dragon. She’s waiting for me on the other side. I can’t leave her waiting, now, can I?

The first step is always the hardest. It’s the biggest decision to make:

_“Should I leave…? Or not…?”_

Countless times I’ve pondered and considered just leaving everything behind- the school, the duels, the Rose Bride, the fake stars. But, I never believed it was a life that I deserved. Even when she was my biggest supporter, I never thought I was worthy of tasting the freshness of freedom. After all, it is said that evil, wretched witches don’t deserve a happily ever after. Only a beautiful princess and a prince could have everything they wanted and more. Well, her and I say to hell with stories, with fairy tales, with this facade, and we’ll live a life of wonder! We’ll travel across the world, I’ll meet her parents, we’ll get to spend all night playing Old Maid and watching soap operas- just like she always said she wanted to.

It’s terrifying. I feel like even though I’ve shed my title and thrown away the shackles around my wrists, that I can’t take the first step. His presence will always loom over me. That I’ve reconciled with. Our lives spent together will always be etched in my life’s timeline. That’s why I HAVE to face this fear. I have to look at the waterfall head-on and tell him that I am no longer his bride. No longer ANYONE’s bride. Not even her. Because we’re partners. We don’t own each other; we complement each other. Beauty and grit, brains and courage, roses and thorns. Today, I have to use the courage she lent me and learn to scale a tower of rushing water. It scrapes at my skin, blinds my eyes, and sends me back a couple of feet here and there, but I press on. I have to press on.

Then, a miracle. I shield my eyes from the searing light penetrating my sight. As I adjust slowly, my head turns and I see a horizon stretching for forever. A landscape draped in a soft, fresh layer of greens and dotted with tall trees. A path is laid out in front of me, leading to a small area, presumably a town. I know she’s there. I know that this is my future. This gorgeous, gorgeous sunrise will be my new every day.

Wait for me, Utena, my love! I will be there shortly, my dearest!


End file.
